Episode 11: Sweenathan Todd

This week we watched the umpteenth collaboration from Hot Topic's favorite trio: Tim Burton, Helena Bonham-Carter, and Johnny Depp. Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall, Jamie Campbell-Bower, and a few other people whose names we've already forgotten round out the cast. Fake blood abounds. 

Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee, amirite?

Don't talk to me before I've had my coffee, amirite?

Episode 8: The Gender-Blind Crucible

This week we watched the 1996 film adaptation of an Arthur Miller play, The Crucible. Our girl Wino 4Ever serves an excellent performance here (as usual), even though it's a little odd for her to have played a 17-year-old two years after she played Jo March at various ages. The 90s were an odd time for portraying teenagers onscreen. 

Hell hath no fury like a pissed-off teenager.

Hell hath no fury like a pissed-off teenager.

In the episode, we look into the obvious ties between this story and the red scare Arthur Miller was living through when he wrote the play, as well as the historical accuracy and feminist implications of the story, but we'll keep the show notes pretty pithy.

Here are a few fun Crucible-related things you should look at: 

Episode 7: Nobody's Got No Class

In case you were wondering, yes, 2003's Chicago holds up (more or less), and we're every bit as delighted to see Christine Baranski as we were 14 years ago. Here are a few notes about the movie and the real-life events that inspired it: 

  • Once again, we have a movie that won the Oscar in a year of CONTENDERS. This movie beat out Gangs of New York, The Hours, The Pianist and one of them li'l Hobbit movies y'all seem to like.
  • Did you know Chicago the musical is based on a play written by Maureen Dallas Hopkins, who was basically Xtine Baranski's character IRL? When Maureen Charleston'd off this mortal coil, she was worth $31 million in today's money.
  • To piggyback on that, Velma and Roxy were also based on real women. Read up on Belva Gaertner and Beulah Annan (Velma and Roxy respectively) on Wikipedia. It's a wild ride, sug. 
  • Actual words from Belva (Velma): "No woman can love a man enough to kill him. They aren't worth it, because there are always plenty more. Walter was just a kid—29 and I'm 38. Why should I have worried whether he loved me or whether he left me? Gin and guns—either one is bad enough, but together they get you in a dickens of a mess, don't they?" Your fav couldn't and wouldn't ever.
We out here. 

We out here. 

Episode 6: Mona Lisa Smize

This week we watched a real Sherman sisters fave: Mona Lisa Smile, starring a bunch of apple-cheeked angels who look like they could be related to us. Here are a few notes:

Bitch, who told you about me and William Holden?

Bitch, who told you about me and William Holden?

Lindsay's take: I mean honestly, what's not to like? I loved this movie in 2003 and I love it now. I give it 5 out of 5 Venus of Willendorfs. 

Molly's take: Look, this isn't Revolutionary Road. She's not trying to get an Oscar but I LOVE HER. 5 out of 5 paint by number Van Goghs.

Next week we'll be watching another banger from Lindsay's high school days: Chicago. Watch it on Netflix to refresh your memory, if you're so inclined. 

Episode 5: Oscar in Error

This week we watched the Oscar-winning 1998 rom-com Shakespeare in Love.

Despite what Molly referred to as the "matching chips on our shoulders" about this movie, we actually enjoyed it. It's just that our sense of right and wrong prevents us from getting all the way to fandom, since there was another Elizabethan-era film from the same year that got passed over that is FULLY ICONIC in our minds.

'memba when GOOP beat Cate Blanchett? CATE. BLANCHETT? AS ELIZABETH?! 

'memba when GOOP beat Cate Blanchett? CATE. BLANCHETT? AS ELIZABETH?! 

Here are a few notes from this episode/generally about this movie: 

 

Lindsay's take: 4 out of 5 STOLEN OSCARS. I do have to admit that this one is still a good time, even though my loyalties will ever lie with Elizabeth. The soundtrack to this one is also p good. 

Molly's take: It's good. It's good. IT'S NOT AN OSCAR MOVIE. 4 out of 5 Joseph Fiennes' Lash Magic Extensions For Men.

(Next week we'll tackle the 2003 banger Mona Lisa Smile, in case you want to watch ahead of time.)

Episode 4: Blah-nonymous

Hoboy. We rounded out Vanessa Redgrave May with the truly terrible 2011 conspiracy-theory-disguised-as-a-serious-film, Anonymous. To say we didn't care for it would be generous.

Throw some respect on my name, Roland Emmerich.

Throw some respect on my name, Roland Emmerich.

A few things to note about this stinker (and other ephemera from this episode): 

Lindsay's take: 1 out of 5 terrible lace-fronts (and that 1 is only because of Vanessa and Joely's dopeness). Cannot get over the fact that they portrayed Elizabeth— an accomplished and intelligent statesman— as a giggling schoolgirl. Just too insulting for words.

Molly's take: How does one evaluate a movie based on a complete farce? Like, if in 600 years, someone srsly made a movie purporting that Hillary Clinton was a lizard person, would I want someone to even take the time to evaluate it? Just some pickled herring and mead for thought, I suppose. I give this movie 1 out of 5 Elizabethan ruffs. 

Episode 3: Clarissa Explains It All

This week we continued Vanessa Redgrave May (and yeah, wiseacre, it's now July, wanna fight about it?) with 1997's Mrs. Dalloway. In addition to our girl Ness, this one also had one Ms. Cersei Lannister (Lena Headey), which is always a real treat.

I said I'd get the damn flowers myself.

I said I'd get the damn flowers myself.

A few notes: 

Lindsay's take: 3 out of 5 feathered hats. Vanessa did a dope job as usual, but this may just be one of those stories that's a little better as a book. 

Molly's take: 3.5 out of 5 flower arrangements. Vanessa Redgrave's cheekbones. Lena Headey's cheekbones. Lovely smiles. A relatively true to text adaptation. An investor losing the house over this movie. You really gotta give it to them.

Episode 2: Camp-a-lot

This week, we continue our journey through Vanessa Redgrave's best with one of our childhood favorites: 1967's musical romp-turned-tragedy, Camelot. Watching it as an adult 50 years after its release, we found some pretty gaping plot holes, but we think Richard Harris's guyliner and Vanessa's unbelievably luxe knitwear more than make up for it. 

What do the simple folk do tho?

What do the simple folk do tho?

A few notes:

Lindsay's take: 4 out of 5 cowl-necked wool gowns. The whole last 30-45 minutes is a great time to double-screen, if you happen to be into that sort of thing. 

Molly's take: 3.5 out of 5 petty knights. It feels wrong to give this movie a lower than perfect rating but if I can get real, I can't really handle the second act. 

Episode 1: Wilde-in' out

Happy Vanessa Redgrave appreciation month, everyone! 

For our inaugural episode, we watched the 1997 film Wilde, starring Stephen Fry, Jude Law, Jennifer Ehle, Vanessa Redgrave, and literally every other British actor that was available that week. 

A few things we mentioned in the episode (and a few we didn't), if you want to look into it:

  • The Victorian prison philosophy was way harsh. This page is about a jail ("gaol") in Melbourne, but it expands a little on the depressing prison imagery you see in the film, including that terrifying mask. 
  • Oscar's childhood sweetheart Florence Balcombe married Bram Stoker, who was apparently an acquaintance of Oscar's in their college days. He also visited Oscar on the continent after he was released from prison.
  • John Gray was such a pretty young thing. After his relationship with Oscar ended, he became a priest and maintained a chaste life partnership with Marc-Andre Raffalovich, a writer and early defender of homosexuality. The two of them died within 4 months of one another. :'(
  • Robbie Ross was close friends Cyril and Vyvyan Wilde after their father's death. His ashes were moved to Oscar's tomb on the 50th anniversary of Oscar's death. 
  • Bosie was drama right up until the end. He married a lesbian named Olive Eleanor Custance and they had a kid together. He also became vocally anti-semitic in his later years.
  • Lindsay lied. The nasty kissing clip from TLC's gone-too-soon Virgin Diaries is totally available online.

Lindsay's take: 3.5 out of 5 peacock feathers. For a movie with a funny guy playing one of the brightest wits ever, it was surprisingly sad. But then I guess that's probably pretty true to the life of a gay genius in Victorian London. 

Molly's take: 4 out of 5 peacock feathers. This movie had it all: historical accuracy, women talking about trousers, rentboys. I'm docking it a peacock feather because I never learned the Michelle Visage character's name and also I had to hear that quip about alcohol several times.